All by myself, don't want to be, all by myself...

First I would like to apologize for my lack of discipline in blogging.  I absolutely love reading the posts, but when it comes to writing, that is something I dread. This loathing stems, I believe, from not wanting to share (I would much rather just keep things to myself - will tie in later). This is not the right mindset to have, and I am praying that God would change my attitude about it.

I am currently sitting on a Greyhound bus typing this on my phone. It is pitch black and they have all the overhead lights disabled so people can sleep. I can't see the book for reference (again, should have written this a long time ago), so I will attempt to go off of memory.

What resounded the most while reading Bailey's dissection of Luke 15, was his examination of the second through sixth stanzas in the parable of the father and the two lost sons, particularly when he talked about the younger son living in isolation. In this particular stage of life, I am finding myself in deep isolation, running away from relationships and keeping things to myself (hence the not wanting to share - in reference to above).

While I know this is not how we were meant to live, I am sliding down a steep rabbit hole into further isolation. Now, I feel too far out from some of those neglected, now broken, relationships. Somehow, I have ended up way out in the far country, famished, looking for anything I can possibly eat, and just now coming to the realization that I am going to starve to death on my own. Way out in the distance, I can see my family and friends, but I am too ashamed and scared to go back and ask for forgiveness.

Now after reading this parable, I hope not to be so foolish as to think my forgiveness or reconciliation can be earned. Father, I know you are there waiting with extravagant love in humiliation, offering me daughtership (thanks for the word Kyle), would you shatter me with your grace so that I have no other response but to embrace the joy of restoration as your child.

Thank you, Lord, for your love that makes it possible for me to come before you and be healed! Pull me out of this hole of isolation and constantly remind me that life is meant to be experienced with you and with others.

Amen

P.S. God,

As we enter the driver / trainee blog, would you discipline me in sharing faithfully each week. Give me a nice swift kick in the pants.

 -Lara

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